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| Scene from Cats (2019) |
Well, it was a fun ride while it lasted. Whether it existed as a serious thought or was something of a joke, the Oscar campaign for Cats has officially been declawed. The past week hasn't been its finest moment starting with the near exclusion from major Golden Globe nominations (Taylor Swift *did* get a song nomination for "Beautiful Ghosts") followed by their new song not making the Oscar shortlist for Best Original Song. It was a terrible way to build-up to the world premiere of the film this past week, which promised to have a memorable reaction even if this film was miraculously a masterpiece. Sadly, the embargo has lifted and things haven't played out too well for director Tom Hooper's sophomore movie musical. While it may still get some tech nominations (though let's face it, that's not likely), it's all but over for this kitty. Let's pour one out for the film, sitting pretty at 20% on Rotten Tomatoes, and the Oscar campaign dream that is all but a memory now.
For better or worse, Andrew Lloyd Webber has been one of the unstoppable forces in Broadway history. He currently holds the record for having two of the longest-running shows in Broadway history with Phantom of the Opera and Cats. The man was made an EGOT alongside Tim Rice and John Legend for the excellent adaptation of Jesus Christ Superstar Live! and with five shows running simultaneously on Broadway, the good times seemed like they would last forever. What is often missed when discussing Webber's adaptations to film is not so much the quality, but the fact that he's been a resident of the Best Original Song category for most of his adaptations. He famously won an Oscar for the new Evita song "You Must Love Me," and he got a nomination for the otherwise maligned Phantom of the Opera. Basically, he's untouchable. That's why "Beautiful Ghosts" missing the cut seems like a big shock. Cats could be a bad movie, but Webber out of the race for song? That's absurd.
Though in reality Cats was always a fever-dream of an Oscar darling. It is true that there's still time to be proven wrong, and the Rotten Tomatoes score has gone up since its initial announcement. Even then, the chances of it becoming enough of a phenomenon to break through the barriers feel like the biggest miracle of all for this film. Still, with prime cinematic reel estate opening the week of Christmas meant that there was some confidence that it could do well. Even the fact that Hooper's more appreciated but also maligned Les Miserables got into the Best Picture race promised something of value to the conversation. People like Patrick H. Willems made videos talking about how it would be a promising watch because it took chances. Alas, that wasn't enough to make a difference.
So, as a moratorium, we might as well revel in the reviews. The good news is that there are some good reviews. However, they're the familiar kind of caveat reviews that you'd expect for a film like this. A lot of them are "It's good, but..." and both sides seem to agree that some involvement of acid was involved. Then again, what do you expect on a musical made during the counter-culture movement of the 1970s? What works on stage doesn't always work on the film, and this may be a prime example.
Here are excerpts from reviews that Rotten Tomatoes labels as good, or fresh:
"Look, this is a pretty damn faithful rendition of a famously bonkers and unapologetically ridiculous stage show. It's not quite "good," but it's certainly going for it."
-Scott Mendelson, Forbes
"The parts of Cats that work work really well, while many others don't. It's still kinda magical in a goofy sort of way."
-Christopher Lloyd, The Film Yap
"I enjoyed the film for what it is. It's London's Got Talent for the feline set."
-Sheila O'Malley, RogerEbert . com
"I'm not saying this is "meow-sterpiece" but I do think some of the critics are lying to themselves. In no way is this a good movie but it's an utterly fascinating acid trip of a film"
-Chris Bumbray, JoBlo's Movie Emporium
"A surreal circus of man-animals whose insane musical ramblings frequently cross the line into the realm of madness, but somehow still manages to ensnare us, against all odds and our own best efforts."
-Tyle Smith, Battleship Pretension
"The plot is slight, but if you just look at it as Step Up Felines then it's fine holiday entertainment."
-Fred Topel, Showbiz Cheat Sheet
"I gasped with laughter, I covered my face, I pulled at my hair, I clasped my hands over my mouth to keep from screaming. Cats had broken me, and I'd never felt happier."
-Angie Han, Mashable
"Cats succeeds on its own terms. Its own hair-brained, roller coaster, what did we do last night that has me waking up in a temple in Kyoto wearing someone else's pants way."
-Robert Daniels, 812filmreviews
Please consider that those are the POSITIVE reviews. To close out this memorium, here's a quick rundown of currently available negative, or rotten, reviews:
"For the life of me, I cannot determine, calculate, or even divine what this movie is, what purpose it serves, and what line of thinking brought it to life."
-Mark Dujsik, Mark Reviews Movies
"Three good things to be said about Andrew Lloyd Webber's Broadway musical Cats: It's an impressive showcase for dancers, the costumes are inventive, and the songs, while nonsense, are catchy. Tom Hooper's film adaptation neuters all three aspects."
-Karen Han, Polygon
"It's taken the musical Cats nearly 40 years to make its way from the stage to the big screen. Now we know why."
-Robert W. Butler, Butler's Cinema Scene
"I would rather eat glass than watch Cats again, but if someone were to put out a warts-and-all behind-the-scenes documentary on its making, I would watch the hell out of it."
-Peter Sobcynski, eFilmCritic . com
"Are all the cast being held hostage?"
-Jamie East, The Sun (UK)
"Cats is the kind of bad movie you'll tell your kids about, and they probably won't believe you."
-Oscar Goff, Boston Hassle
"This movie is a nightmare you let live out its nine lives alone."
-Preston Barta, Denton Record-Chronicle
"By the time I left the theater, I wasn't even sure what a real cat looked like anymore."
-Clint Worthington, The Spool
"Finally, a whole new generation can discover that the Cats musical is two hours of human-feline hybrids without genitals having no-touch sex and begging for death via song."
-Dimon Miraudo, Student Edge
"Will live on in every viewer's memory, now and forever. Its weirdness is unforgettable."
-Matt Singer, ScreenCrush
That is only a handful of reviews that have been published. If you're needing a good pick up from the holiday blues, you can do worse than checking out any review for Cats. While the film may have not delivered on the cheer (yet), there's a good chance that the critics with a good play of words will do the job for it. The film will live on in the same way that The Room does: as a punchline of bad choices. Only Cats will have less of charm and heart. This is currently Webber's lowest-rated adaptation on Rotten Tomatoes. Sure, it's probably not his worst show in general (have you heard of Phantom of the Opera sequel show Love Never Dies? Well, it should've), but it never made sense as a film. At least the recording of the stage version is out there, and it's much less disturbing.
Let us end with a celebration of the one version that will probably live for another 40 years, and you'll understand why shortly:
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